Don't Mess With Otherkin!

By Martin "The Baron" Hubley
Some of my faithful readers may know this, but for others it may come as something of a shock: I am otherkin. I'm not ashamed to say it. My body is inhabited by the spirit of an elder dragon which goes by the name of Nga'thhlt (a name which many humans have trouble pronouncing, so I simply call him Stryyker.) My lizard soul gives me powers beyond your wildest imaginings, powers which I have displayed and proven many a time. But still there are those who make fun of me and call me names. Hear this humans: No matter what you think of us, this does NOT give you the right to interfere with our lifes! For if you do, we shall fight back with all our might!

This is our coda, our residing battle cry: You may make fun of us but we will laugh at your ignorance stupidity. You may smash our chicken sandwich at lunch but we will simply eat it anyway. For we are otherkin. We were here long before you were born, and we will continue to be around here after you die.

Which is to say: Don't Mess With Otherkin! Normally we are peaceful and loving folk, but the following story is evidence of the dangerous of what happens to those who mess with an otherkin spirit.

P.S. Anyone who is not familiar with Otherkine culture should read the comprehensible guide to it I wrote HERE. That should be all the information you need to understand us.

True Otherkin Pals

A few months ago, after spending an awesome afternoon just hangin' and gaming, three of my fellow kin pals and I decide to head to Walgreens to get some snacks such as pork rinds, cashews, and some dew to refuel our gamer thirst. Just for reference, the friends I had along were Toby 2 (a Faery Otherkin) Chaos-Magician (a Dolphinkin) and Jace a (Wolfkin). Seeing as none of us could drive, we decided to take the short walk through the park behind my house to get there.

Now, we hadn't bothered changing clothes for a number of reasons: 1. We are not ashamed our my kin-ness and 2. We had just engaged in the ritual of Karath-Ta, and were clothed in our traditional ceremonius garbs (for me it was a red silk robe with black dragons embossed, combat boots, Dragon Tales baseball cap, etc) which are really quite comfortable and great for a stroll, and we did not feel like changing into common human clothing.

So we're just walking along discussing the Warhammer book we had all read (Oathbreaker, The Lizardman) when a group of older pre-teens on bikes and blades came down the path.

Troubled Gothick Pre-Teenagers Arrive

Even before I could see their faces I knew there would be trouble. Call it a second sense, call it what your will, but something in my dragon being knew that these were evil folk (of demonkin descent, no doubt) so I put out my arm and backed my companions off the path to make way. You might call me a coward, but it is part of the Otherkine code (as well as the code of the samurai, which I also follow) that you DO NOT EVER institute a fight against humans. You may only respond to it, but may do so with terroric vengeances.

As the kids grew nearer I could see that they were punks or gothics, which could only mean trouble. I knew from their ripped band t-shirts, gelled hair, and blue jeans that they came from broken homes and had been molested by parents, relatives, etc. They were out on the town at 9PM on a thursday, and they were looking for trouble. Little did they know, they found it, in the form of three combat-ready otherkins, one of who (myself) is proficient in marital art.

Lines in the Sand

They came up, stopped their bikes, and looked us up and down. One of them started laughing, and said, "What the *BLEEP* (foul language)!" in a tone I took to be mockling and offensive. None of us said anything, but Jace began growling under his breath and bared his teeth. I knew I would have to act quickly because you can't hold back a wolfkin who smells human blood. My back began to itch (what often happens when my dragon spirit is awoken because of the wings) and I could feel my dragons rage welling up within me, but I held back. I did not feel like going to jail for a killing, no matter how much my beastial side cried out for it.

I told the boys that we weren't looking for trouble, but that we were otherkin and would be more than willing to defend ourselves with animal strength if necessary. They started laughing, and began making fun my dragon tales cap and what they called my mustache a "molesters pube-stache". I did not allow myself to get angry. I informed them of my mantra: "Never deal with lower life forms, no matter how bothersome they might be. Swatting at a dumb fly will only give it the strength to annoy you even moreso." They laughed again, and said I should grow a "longer Chinaman mustache for my Chinaman wisdoms and I could stroke it like I stroke myself to Transformers Beast Wars" which was not only not true (beat wars has no dragons, ha!) but also a bit racist if you ask me. Newsflash: Chinamen are people too. Then again what can you expect from goths. They always judge others by their appearance without even knowing them first. All goths are a-holes (excuse my french).

The Battle

But then the unthinkable happened. One of the girls began touching and pulling at one of the fabric wolve's tail which hung from the back of Jace's robe. Not good. Anyone who knows the otherkin culture knows that the one thing you NEVER do to a wolfkin is pull its tail. NEVER. But this girl had no respect. She was laughing and calling him "Davy Croch-Lick" and pretending to flirt with him, stirring up his primal emotions like all sexy blonde cute 12 year old kids in hot shorts with milky white legs just LOVE to do. All the other gothick preteens were laughing along too like the futile little imps they were. Then, it got worse: The girl ripped the tail from the robe where my mother had sewn it and threw it on the ground.

This was the last straw that broke the camel's pack.

It was an insult to all things otherkin. You NEVER touch an otherkins kinly appendage, let alone tear it off. And not only that, if it touches the ground you are to burn it on a pyre IMMIDIATELY. This was too much beyond the pail. I could no longer contain my elder glory! These childrens had awakened a winged spirit of fire and would now be punished! There was no escape from my rage. I roared and clawed at them invoking my true dragonlish name by shouting it. The others howled and screeched and joined in the rabid feeding frenzy. Things became a blur. All I knew is that we were in combat, and that I was truly alive. At one point their older brothers and sisters even joined in the fricas, trying to defend their wretched spawn which they were related to. Needless to say, this made little difference. Our little human friends didn't stand much of a chance. Not only were we 20-25 years older, and 100-260 pounds heavier, but we had the fury of our true ancient selves lathering up just below the surfaces. It was glory in all it's glorious. It was true otherkin mayham.

Justice Restored

Obviously I can't explain the results of the fight for legal reasons, but let's just say that those kids won't be bothering any otherkin any time soon. They left bruised and bloody and bitten and crying out for their mommies. They are lucky I didn't singe their hair. But the best part was that we made them apologize for misjudging us, and they claimed they would respect Otherkins from that day forward.

But unfortunately this was done out of fear, and as soon as they got home they stitched to their mommys and daddys. The police were called, and obviously the officers claimed not to understand the truth (That WE were attacked, not the attackers. Obviously they are bias against otherkine). But as it stands now, I easily made bail (selling off a few of my older MINT action figs) and will soon attend trial for my so-called "Assault on persons under the age of 18". To be Franky, it is laughable. Once I explain my position to the jury they will laugh in the children's faces and declare us innocent and justice will be served cold. Otherkin always triumph, even in the face of advertsity.